Annoying things people ask writers but shouldn’t, ever!

WARNING: All information listed below is written in good fun. If you’re a serious lemon sucker, walk away.


A writer, really? Must be nice not having a real job.

Sure is, #@#$!


Can I read your first draft?

Yeah, why not.  Just let me print out your business laptop’s internet history and hand it over to your boss. That should be an even trade.


What do you do all day?

I polish my rubber ducky collection. What do you think?


So…are you still writing that little book?

By little, you mean 100,000 measly words, right? Well, then, yes.


Do you think it’ll get published?

No, jackass, I don’t need a paycheck. I thrive on my good looks and wit.


Is this character you’ve written about, YOU?

Why yes, you’ve guessed it. I’m a sociopathic serial killer. Yep, that’s me. Breakfast at my house anyone?


Am I in your book?

Tricky, tricky.  All names, characters, and incidents portrayed in this novel are fictitious—yes, fictitious. *feigns a smile* Next question…


I have any idea for your next book. Do you want to hear it?



I’ve written something. Can I email it to you and get a critique?

Back to those rubber duckies.


Where do you get your ideas?

Minecraft—The Nether.